Our society has made good progress on masturbation. Where to begin? I actually do think masturbation is an excellent starting point-you’re probably there already, even if most of the world’s major religions don’t approve. Here are some ideas to consider and skills to develop. And when you learn to sexually communicate with yourself, then your sexual communication with others will dramatically improve.

No matter what is putting up barriers between you and your sexual self, you can overcome them. It could come from being raised with values that ask you to feel ashamed of your body and desires, because sexual activity outside of marriage-including with yourself-was deemed a sin. Menopause or some other carnal evolution could be a factor. An aversion to your own desires could be the result of sexual abuse, or of an injury.

Later, perhaps, your personality might get in the way: For example, maybe you’re too damn intellectual and uptight (that once described yours truly, I’m sorry to say). What gets in the way of knowing your own desires? Youth, for one thing: It takes time and experience to get to know yourself.

Getting in touch with your sexuality